Marketing Consultant & Storyteller

Your inner peace will provide you with answers and help you stop self-sabotaging your life

Last week I wanted to stay in hiding. throw in the towel and sabotage everything I had worked so hard on. This week I am reconnected with my true self and values, which are guiding me in the right direction.

Sometimes I feel unexplained sadness.

Days that are grey and flat. I question everything and am losing sight of the horizon. My actions seem pointless and my motivation fades. I am depressed, and my body is weak. I do what has to be done, but anxiety and self-doubt creep in more easily. From there, I am just one jump away from a dark rabbit hole of feeling sorry for myself and blaming others for my misery, contributing to self-sabotage.

And honestly, I hate playing the victim. It is so disempowering, pointless, and just sad…

I realised that when I am in a mood like this, I want to disconnect from others even further, feeling ashamed of how I feel. But the real reason behind this unexpected sadness is the lack of connection. A lost connection with myself, my loved ones, my values, mission, and purpose. Without connection, my life seems meaningless. And so, despite wanting to hide from the world more, on Saturday morning I decided to pick up the phone and call a friend.

When I called her, she was out with her kids at a farmhouse restaurant. They were waiting for their food to be served, so she could spare a couple of moments to talk with me. I could hear in the background her daughter saying how hungry she was. It made me chuckle. We decided she would call me back once the kids were fed; otherwise, any sort of conversation would be challenging. My friend currently lives in Switzerland. It’s been a couple of years since we’ve seen each other, but every time we connect on the phone, neither the distance nor the time matters. We usually just pick up where we left off. Recently, we have spoken more often; hence she was the first person I thought of calling when I felt the need to talk with someone.

As I was unloading my confusion about life in general, she listened with understanding and light humour. It’s good to have someone who can help you look at your worries with a smile. The best part was that she wasn’t trying to cheer me up or anything. She just gave me this realistic point of view on life in general. We share a common trait in that we are quite ambitious about our lives and find it hard to be satisfied with what we have. This, of course, creates frustration and a constant chase after something we can’t even put our finger on anymore. And knowing that I am not alone in my crazy ways of approaching life made me feel better already.

We tend to think that the grass is always greener somewhere else.
We are bombarded from everywhere with the notion that we can have and do more in life.
We are lied to that we can have it all!

But the truth is, we can’t. And that’s okay.

The disconnection I felt last week came from a place of self-loathing and outsourcing my happiness to others. I would sit and blame my partner that we don’t do this or don’t have that. I would look at my cosy and good life, thinking it is not enough. I was this close to convincing myself I should throw in the towel and sabotage everything I had worked so hard on… Until I came to my senses, calmed down, and let go of any expectations. Towards myself, towards others, towards life.

I allowed myself to just appreciate what I have and follow my inner peace to provide me with answers and stop self-sabotaging my efforts.

And so, the next day, there I was, cycling 7 miles to a car boot fair at 7 AM. As I was pedalling at my comfortable pace, I was able to notice and appreciate the simplicity that life provides. A warm sun on my face, a ‘good morning’ said by the fellow cyclist who overtook us on the road, a Brent geese couple looking after their three goslings, and a quite aggressive swan protecting his territory when we came to rest by a lake.

I am not quite sure whether it was the conversation with my friend, moving my body early in the morning, or the sunny day spent with my partner on something we both really enjoy that brought back the inner peace and connection with myself.

Reaching out to others when I am down doesn’t come naturally to me. I always think that I don’t want to bother anyone with my blue mood. I wouldn’t obviously think like that if it was the other way around!

It got me thinking about what can cause this unexpected sadness and dissatisfaction in life.

I came up with 4 possible reasons:

  1. Spending too much time on social media. The work I do for my recent clients requires me to be on social media every day. I post, I share, I scroll. Very often, I would catch myself being on a particular platform way longer than needed, mindlessly checking other business profiles and comparing my work to theirs. A comparison trap could be one of the reasons I got down.
  2. Eating rubbish and not moving my body. You are what you eat, and you can’t argue with that. For the last week, I was feeding my body with rubbish, and too much sugar is always bad for my wellbeing. It’s like an addiction I know is bad for me, but I keep coming back for more, especially when I try to regulate my mood with ice cream.
  3. Not speaking my truth. Since I came back from my recent trip to Poland, I haven’t written a single piece of content. I bottled up my feelings about certain family situations. My younger self, whose voice was not allowed to be heard, came to the surface, and instead of encouraging her to share what bothers her, I carried on pretending everything was fine.
  4. Letting myself down. We often don’t realise the power of failed promises we give ourselves. I had a plan to get up at 6 to get things done; I would stay in bed till 8 or longer, feeling then dreadful and disappointed with myself. I sabotaged all my efforts from a few weeks before when I managed to cut sugar and eat healthily, only to go back on the route of late dinners and constant snacking. The more I wasn’t following my plans, the worse I felt about myself… self-sabotage at its finest!

Self-sabotage

I sometimes don’t understand why I keep sabotaging my life.

Not doing all of the above seems so simple, yet is not easy to keep up with! I know these strategies work for me and do wonders for my life, both personal and professional. And yet, I go for what feels familiar. It’s almost as if I am addicted to being sad and depressed! I love being energised, motivated, and positive, but suddenly it doesn’t feel right, and so I go back to my conditioned behaviours, leading to self-sabotage.

How do I break this vicious circle that just doesn’t serve me?

I haven’t tried that yet, but maybe the cure would be to always act in alignment with my values.

When I fall into the patterns of behaviour listed above, I go against my values: integrity, freedom, love, fulfilment, and creativity. Simply because I am stepping into a victimhood mode, and this mindset never leads to anything creative; it’s disempowering, so it robs me of freedom and fulfilment, and as a result, my life lacks love for myself and others.

So what I could do instead is list all five of my values on my whiteboard and integrate them into my decision-making process. I could always ask myself whether what I am about to do is guided by love or if I am on autopilot, following imprinted behaviours from my childhood. Is it the present me acting, or the child I was who was trying to protect herself from her constantly dissatisfied mother?

I started writing this article with a simple idea of how a conversation with a friend helped me bring back my inner peace and connection with my values, and now I am at the point of realising how many of our behaviours are patterns we need to look at and work on if we want to prevent self-sabotaging our lives.

I feel exploring this is for another article, and I would want to put more thought into it.

For now, I feel content, peaceful, and self-aware. My self-motivation is back, and I am filled with appreciation for the choices I made in life that led me to having a good life where ups and downs happen.

The journey of self-discovery and realignment with our values is ongoing.

While moments of sadness and self-doubt can feel overwhelming, they also offer an opportunity to reconnect with what truly matters. By recognising and addressing the patterns that no longer serve us, we can cultivate a life of greater fulfilment and inner peace.

Reaching out to friends, staying true to our values, and being gentle with ourselves during tough times are vital steps in this process. As I continue to embrace the motto ‘Expect nothing, express everything,’ I am reminded that life’s ebb and flow are natural, and within this rhythm lies the potential for growth and transformation.

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